The Loud Court
by TakeBackTheFalls
Summary: Instead of a 'Sister Fight Protocol,' the Louds create a homemade court case to resolve their arguments. So when Lori and Leni begin to fight, the Louds put their trial to the test


**Let's keep the author's note brief. Basically, instead of a 'Sister Fight Protocol,' the Louds use a fake Court Case to solve their fights. That's right, featuring certain Louds acting as lawyers, a judge, and all that jazz!**

 **To all you nitpickers, this won't be completely accurate to 'Brawl in the Family,' ON PURPOSE! I'm not writing this because I hated the episode. In fact, I feel like people have been really dramatic when it comes to ranting about it. I wrote this just for fun! It'll be a light hearted silly fic, not a crazy dramatic revenge one.**

 **I never made a one shot this long before! I hope that means my writing has evolved.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

The Loud family circled the two blondes, waiting for the first one to bounce. The two eldest sisters held a shopping bag with the same dress inside, both wearing the same snarl on their faces. It wasn't until Lori tightened her fists that people began to take steps back.

"Leni Loud, I'm afraid there's only one way to solve this," Lori said ominously. She closed her eyes and faced the wall behind her while clenching her fists, just for dramatic effect.

"A rap battle?" Lynn asked, hopeful, "I can help either of you, I spit the dopest rhymes!"

"Nope," Lori took a few steps back from Leni, her brown eyes glaring holes into the fashionista as she took a step forward and pointed, her index finger millimeters away from Leni's pointy nose. "I'm taking you to court!"

The remaining Loud gasped. Lola fainted.

During various sibling meetings, the gang decided that creating mock trials would be the best way to solve their disagreements. They had spent hours on the project, doing practice trials, and discussing rules. But those were always drill trials! They had never done a _real_ one before. Getting over their shock, the Louds rushed up to Leni and Lori's room to set the place up. Lori and Leni followed slowly behind, knowing the defendants wouldn't have to do much work.

Being the last ones in the room, Lori and Leni were welcomed to a workshop. Each Loud worked like busy bees, making sure the entire room was set up just the way they practiced.

Lincoln hopped in front of the two eldest sisters before they had even taken two steps into the room, "You two have an opportunity to pick your lawyers," Lincoln informed his two eldest sisters, as if they didn't already know, "You have five minutes."

"DIBS ON LINCOLN!" Lori and Leni both shouted, each grabbing one of Lincoln's arms.

Lincoln gave them a smug smirk, pulling his hand away from Lori's, "Ladies, control yourselves." Lori rolled her eyes. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding," Lincoln assured, "I'm going to be the judge of this trial," he looked down at the black bathrobe he was wearing, acting as a last minute judge costume, "You're gonna have to look for different lawyers." He tried to pull his arm away from Leni's, but her strength got the best of him, "Leni, let go! I have to get my powdered wig. And you're giving me a bruise!" Leni let go, giving Lincoln an apologetic smile as Lincoln rubbed his now sore arm and walked away.

"Why does he need a white wig? His hair is already white," Leni asked. The question was directed at Lori, but when she turned her head Lori had already walked away.

Once Lori was gone, Lynn walked up the the fashion-obsessed blonde. She gently nudged her arm, "Pssst!"

Leni jumped in her skin, screaming at the top of her lungs, "HELP, IT'S SWIPER THE FOX!"

Lynn rolled her eyes, "No, it's just me," She grabbed Leni by the shoulder and pulled her down to the shorter girl's level, "No pressure or anything, but you have to pick me as your lawyer! I'm _the_ Lynn Loud. I don't know anything about being an actual lawyer, but I do watch a lot of inaccurate lawyer shows. Plus I _never_ loose, I'll have you win instantly. Lori doesn't stand a chance."

"Okay! Done!" Leni chirped, shaking her little sister's hand, "You'll be perfect! I don't know what a loller is, but you'll defiantly be the best!"

"YES!" Lynn whooped, "I'm going to Dad's room to steal his suit!" The athlete sprinted out the door.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the room, Luan was attempting to win Lori's favor. She was eager to be the kind of lawyer that wasn't so _serious_ about everything, breaking the stereotype. "Please make me your lawyer," Luan begged, "I'm all about business, FUNNY BUSINESS!" Luan reached for her nose and pinched it, disappointed when no honk came out, "Dang it, I thought I was wearing my clown nose!"

"Whatever, you can be my lawyer. I literally don't care who it is anyways, I'm gonna win just by seniority," Lori looked down at her phone and scrolled, "The only thing I care about right now is live tweeting the entire event, and seeing my followers' reaction to Leni's inevitable loss."

"Works for me!" Luan pumped her fist enthusiastically.

"Also I'm going to a birthday bash later today, so make it snappy," Lori requested. She swiftly looked up from her phone to acknowledge her presence before diving back into the screen.

Luan grinned, "You won't regret this! I have a briefcase in my room, it's full of clown wigs but it looks just like the important-looking ones actual lawyers use!" The brunette extended her hand towards Lori.

Lori took one look at her hand and scoffed, "That only works on Leni," She spun around on her heel and walked away.

"Dang it," Luan sighed, hoping she would shock Lori with her handshake. She took the buzzer off her hand and chased after Lori, "Wait! We have to discuss a plan!"

"We're ready!" Lincoln announced, his puffy white wig tilted awkwardly on his head. Given the role of the judge, Lincoln was armed with one of Lana's hammers to act as a gavel. He sat uncomfortably on the white dresser, right next to the closet. He leaned against the mirror behind him, careful not to sit on any of the girls' makeup and jewelry. Next to the dresser was an upside down trash bin, where anyone questioned would be seated. Between Lori and Leni's beds were two stools, for the lawyers to sit. Behind them were two beanbags for Leni and Lori. Lisa would sit on a small stepping stool on the other side of the trash bin, so she could clearly record every word uttered. Everyone sat on either Lori or Leni's bed. They didn't exactly have an assigned jury, so everyone except the defendants and the lawyers will cast their vote by raising their hand. It was all set up, just the way they planned it. Luan and Lynn made their way to the stools, while Lori and Leni walked behind their lawyers and sat in their beanbags. "Let's begin."

"Wait!" Lana raised her hand, "How do court cases work?"

Lori groaned, "Are you kidding me, Lana? We literally had multiple sibling meetings on how we were going to set this up."

"Now, now. Lori, declaw yourself. To answer your question, Lana, we have no idea!" Lincoln answered, "But we get the general gist of it. Lawyers defend you, you call up witnesses, someone writes it all down, and people vote on who's made the most sense. Even if our example of a court case isn't accurate, it's the way of the Louds! Now, Luan and Lynn, time to make the opening statements for your client."

Luan stood up, "Lori Loud bought a dress, Leni bought the same one. Lori thinks she's right, and thinks that Leni is dressing everything up!" Luan snickered, "Sorry, sorry, couldn't help it. We think the proper punishment is that Leni should return the dress, or donate it." Luan sat back down.

"Lynn, what does your defendant want out of this?"

Lynn stood up, "Leni and Lori are totally pissed at each other for a completely stupid reason. This entire thing is dumb, and I can't believe we are making our first 'Loud Court' out of an issue this trivial. I know at the sibling meeting, we said this is how we would solve every fight, but this? REALLY? Next sibling meeting, I am going to propose we change 'every fight' to 'important fights' so I never find myself in this situation ever again! I only agreed to be Leni's lawyer because I love _winning_. And I _will_ win. Peace!" Lynn held up a peace sign and plopped back down.

"Good enough for me. Luan Loud, you're up." Lincoln banged his 'gavel.'

Luan walked up, in front of the dresser, "I would like to call my defendant, Lori Loud, to the stand."

Lori Loud pulled herself up from the beanbag and walked to the stand as slowly as she could, just for the sheer drama of it all. She tilted her head upright, her nose pointing to the ceiling with distaste as she lowered her self onto the trash bin. Lori tried to do it slowly, but the bin was lower than she anticipated and ended up falling onto it with a gasp.

Lana walked up to her, holding a photo album full of pictures of Lily towards her. "Put your left hand on the book, and your right hand in the air."

Lori obeyed.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Lily?" Lana asked.

"I do." Lori promised.

"Now, Mrs. Loud, tell us why you're here today." Luan began.

Lori crossed her legs, "Well I saved up all my allowance to buy this really cute dress. I literally had my eye on it for months. When I finally found out I had enough money to get it, I was elated! I've worked so hard, and it was finally all mine," A dreamy smile spread across Lori's face, as if she was visualizing the moment she first got her hands on it. "I tried it on in the dressing room, and it literally made me feel so beautiful. So I go home to show it to my sisters, and I see that Leni literally has the same one on!" She frowns, "I felt she bought in spite of me. She knew I wanted it, I even showed her pictures of it online. Leni tainted what was supposed to be my special dress!"

"Don't expect us to just take your word for it, blondie. We need evidence! Why should we believe _you_?" Luan asked, harshly.

Lori narrowed her eyes, "You want proof that I bought the dress?"

"Yes!" Luan confirmed.

"But, I literally just showed you guys the dress. Luan, you were there. I don't see why I have to prove that I-"

"Do as you're told, and don't get a- _dress_ ive with me!" Luan chuckled, "Get it? Instead of aggressive, I said...ah, you get it!

Lori just shrugged, as she dug into her pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper, "I have the receipt right here!" Lori waved it around, making sure everyone could see.

Luan turned to her siblings, "As my client a- _dressed,"_ Luan snickered, "Get it?"

Lynn stood up, "Objection! No more terrible jokes, they put everyone in this room at risk of committing suicide," Lynn smirked, satisfied with her jab at the comedian. Some winced at Lynn's morbid comment towards Luan, while the rest stifled snickers of their own. Luan crossed her arms, tossing a nasty look at her younger sis.

"Overruled for being rude," Lincoln gave Lynn a disapproving frown.

Luan stuck out her tongue. "As I was saying, my client clearly has evidence of her wanting the dress first." She turned to Leni, putting her hands on her hips, "Now Leni, where's _your_ receipt?" Luan asked, being as condescending as one could.

"Objection, she can't ask my client questions until she's on the stand," Lynn objected once more, "Plus her dress is literally on that chair over there, with Lori's!" She gestured towards a wooden chair beside the door where two dresses in two different bags were placed.

Leni shrugged, "I can answer that! I grabbed it, and put it on the nearest chair I could find."

"Why would you do that?" Lucy asked. Lincoln opened his mouth to remind the goth that she wasn't allowed to talk yet, but was cut off.

"Because it's called a re- _seat_. You _re_ cieve, and then you put it on a _seat_." Leni replied innocently. Everyone gave Leni a pained expression. "What?"

" _Anyways..._ " Lori pulled her phone out and began dialing, "I can call Bobby to confirm." She dialed, tapping her phone patiently. Finally, Bobby picked up, and Lori put the phone on speaker.

"Hola!" Bobby greeted from the phone.

"Hola, bebé!" Lori cooed, "Mis hermanas y hermano son-"

"Since when do you speak Spanish?" Luan asked.

Lori opened her mouth to answer, only to be cut off by the second youngest sibling.

"I believe I can answer your inquiry," Lisa spoke up, "When our eldest sibling first began dating that Hispanic airhead, 'Roberto,' she asked me to assist her in learning the his language."

"¿Qué está pasando?" Bobby asked from the phone.

"Lori, speak English!" Luan ordered.

Lori sighed, "Lo siento, bebé. En inglés, por favor. Mis hermanas y hermano son muy estúpidos y no hablan español" she explained.

"No problem. What's up, Loud house?" Bobby yelled in the speaker.

"Hello, Roberto. It's Luan," Luan greeted, "I'm going to ask you a few questions, and I would appreciate if you would answer them."

"Sure thing, Luan. Shoot! I got all the answers!"

"Okay. How long has Lori had an eye out for this dress?" Luan inquired.

There was a pause on the line, as if Bobby was submerged in thought. After a few moments, he answered, "About ten weeks."

"Thank you, Roberto." Luan walked up to Lori, "No more questions," she hung up the phone.

"HEY!" Lori protested.

"I have no more questions for you either, Lori." Luan stated, walking back to her spot on the stool. Lynn stood up, giving Lori a dirty scowl.

"When I'm through with you, you're gonna wish you never bought that dress!" She watched a lot of lawyer shows, and knew that the key was to scare the opponent. Lynn was the predator, Lori was the prey.

The athlete was wearing one of Lynn Loud Sr.'s blue work jackets over her clothes that fell to her knees. She had her hair tied in a messy bun, and her dad's tie draped over her shoulders like a scarf. The sporty girl hoped her 'professional' attire would earn the Louds' favor and trick them into believing she knew what she was doing. Not to mention, she was rocking a pair of shoulder pads.

"Objection, she can't talk to my client like that!" Luan whined.

"Sustained. Lynn, watch the attitude." Lincoln warned.

Lynn gave him an eyeroll, then snapped her head back to Lori. "So Lori, how's the weather today?" Lynn asked, delivering a warm approachable smile.

Lori shrugged, "It's kind of windy but-"

Lynn slammed he fist on the dresser, making Lori jump, "IRRELEVANT! Why aren't you staying on topic? Do you have something to HIDE? HUH? You're guilty! CASE CLOSED!"

Luan groaned, "object-"

"I was just kidding!" Lynn threw her hands up, exasperated. "Just trying to have some fun, geez. I'll be serious this time, I swear." She cleared her throat and put on a scowl to show off her most serious expression.

"Objection, no swearing allowed!" Luan added.

Lynn turned to Lori, her hands on her hips and her lips pursed, "You quarrel a lot with Leni. Is that correct?"

Lori nodded, "We literally fight all the time."

Lynn tisked, "Interesting...Have you ever tried to, I don't know, sabotage her? In any way, shape, or form?" She raised an eyebrow at Lori, quizically.

Lori rubbed the side of her arm, embarrassed, "Actually, yes. I did try to mess up her driving test, and I regret it."

Lynn winced, "Yikes. Poor, poor, Leni. Now let me ask you this, have you ever felt jealous of Leni?"

Lori scoffed, quickly crossing her arms. "No way," she insisted, though her eyes were glued to the floor. Lynn raised her eyebrows and tilted her head, as if to say _'are ya sure about that?'_

"You're under oath, Lori," Lynn reminded her, her tone sounding like it was a warning.

"I am not going to be reprimanded by a tween wearing _shoulder pads!_ " Lori retorted, though she was beginning to sweat a little. Lynn noticed the detail and smiled. She got the phone-addict right where she wanted her.

"Would you like to admit that you're sabotaging Leni right now? That you staged the whole thing, and framed Leni to make her look bad. That way people will sympathize with you and it'll soak away the envy you feel towards your sister!" Lynn pointed at Lori accusingly, "You're always desperate for attention. You knew this was the perfect way to receive it!"

"Object-"

"Admit it! You set it all up!" Lynn's voice then began to darken, "And afterwards, you pulled out the gun and shot her between the eyes! But you cleaned off the finger prints, and hid the weapon in this very house." The athlete leaned towards Lori, until their noses were centimeters apart, "You may have fooled everyone else, but you won't fool me! Her blood is on your hands and you know it! Admit you shot her, ADMIT IT!" Lynn slammed her fists against the dresser again.

"Lynn, your erratic behavior is irrational. The topic of discussion is not a homicide, it is a trivial article of clothing." Lisa lisped, "Also, decrease the speed of your speaking patterns. I cannot write that fast!"

"Sorry, got carried away. I have no more questions," Lynn gave Lori an apologetic look, before walking back to her rickety stool beside Luan. Lori trudged back the the blue bean bag behind Luan's stool, shaken up by Lynn's haphazard outburst.

"I call Leni Loud to the stand," Luan said.

Leni skipped to the trash can next to Lisa, taking the same oath Lori did on Lily's photo album. She shifted uncomfortably on the upside down trash bin, looking down at the ground.

Luan gave her a smile, "So Leni, I understand you share a room with the most intimidating member of the Loud family. Is that hard for you?"

Leni shrugged, "Not really. Her dating someone doesn't bother me. I think she and Bobby are cute!"

Luan face palmed, "No, intimidating means...never mind." The reason Luan had reached out to Lori was because being Leni's lawyer would be an impossible task. It did not cross her mind that questioning Leni would be just as hard. Suddenly, Luan wished she hadn't volunteered to be a lawyer at all. Unfortunately, she could not back down now. Sighing, the comedian attempted to use simpler language. "Is Lori not easy to live with?"

Leni scrunched up her eyebrows, "I don't know how to answer that. Lynn just said that Lori shot me in the head and killed me, so I'm not sure I'm _living_ with her anymore. Maybe I'm deading with her?"

Luan snapped her head behind her, giving Lynn a hard glare. Lynn made clicking noises with her mouth, giving Luan casual finger-guns in return.

"Well, Lynn is stupid and a liar," Luan crossed her arms, "Don't take what she says seriously. Ever."

"Hey, objection!" Lynn stood up, "She's confusing my client!"

"You confused her too with that speech about Lori shooting her. I'm trying to set her back on track," Luan bit back.

"Sustained," Lincoln banged his gavel, "But both of you need to stop confusing her."

Luan rolled her eyes, "Leni. Do you think it is annoying sleeping in the same room as Lori?" The comedian tried keep her sentence as literal as possible, to avoid Leni getting confused.

"Yeah, I guess. I dunno, whatever," was Leni's sophisticated answer.

Luan smirked, "I see. Now, have you ever wanted to do something to her to show her that she isn't as good as she thinks she is?"

Leni nodded.

Luan scrunched her eyebrows, brainstorming a way to prove Leni guilty. After a brief second of thinking, a light bulb lit in her brain. The best way to get Leni to do something was to trick her!

"So, want to play a game?" Luan gave Leni a sly smile, confident in her ability to manipulate the blonde.

"Okay, sure!" Leni clapped her hands with excitement, bouncing in her seat.

"Okay, it's really easy! All you have to do is say _'yes'_ after everything I say. Can you handle that?" Luan asked. When Leni nodded, Luan began the 'game.' "Did you buy the dress just to make Lori mad?"

"Yes!"

"Did you buy the dress after her?"

"Yes!"

"Is Luan Loud the best comedian of all time?"

"Yes!"

"Are you guilty?"

"Yes!"

"No more questions," Luan announced, turning towards the beds with an innocent grin on her face, "We clearly know who's guilty here. Case closed."

"HOW IS THIS ACCEPTABLE?" Lynn hopped off her stool, holding her hands up to say _'are you kidding me?'_ "That was clearly an out of bounds trial. She should be benched!"

"I don't see the problem," Lori cracked a smile, admiring Luan's unscrupulous tactics. The eldest typed away on her twitter, _'Leni totes confessed. Lynn is being a ***baby emoji*** about it_'

"Did I win?" Leni asked, hopefully.

Luan nodded her head, using her opportunity to manipulate Leni once more, "But there's a part two to the game. I'll give you candy if you don't backtrack on anything you said during this game. Especially if Lynn tries to make you."

Lynn growled, "Lincoln, how is she allowed to do this?"

Lincoln shrugged, twirling strands of his curled wig with his fingers, "She's not, but the damage has been done and you'll never be able to convince Leni to get back on track. Also, it's amusing." Lincoln admitted, deflecting Lynn's scowl with a smug smile.

Luan laid her briefcase gently on the ground and said, "I rest my _case_." She chuckled at her own pun, earning a groan from everyone else. Luan picked her briefcase back up and skipped back to her stool before giving Lori a high five. Lynn was now steaming as she walked up to Leni, eager to mop the floor with the comedian.

"Leni Loud, I wanted to inform you that Lucy cursed the candy Luan was going to give you. So, I wouldn't listen to her if I were you," Lynn warned the ditzy blonde. Leni's eyes became wide as flying saucers, nodding her head. "Good. Now when you were talking to Luan, you said that Lori was annoying to sleep in the same room with. Is that right?"

Leni nodded.

"Do you think trying to frame you would be something she'd do?" Lynn inquired.

Leni cackled, "Lynn, she can't frame me! I'm a person, not a painting."

Lynn was on her last strand of patience with this trivial trial, and questioning Leni was taking her over the edge. She clenched her jaw and tightened her fists, her body festering with anger at her impossible client, "DANG IT, LENI! FOR THE LOVE OF LILY LOUD, DO YOU THINK LORI IS GUILTY OR NOT?"

Lincoln banged his gavel, "Order in the court! Lynn, relax!"

Through gritted teeth, Lynn hissed, "No. More. Questions."

Timid and frightened, Leni stood up and scurried back to her bean bag. Lynn turned her back to the small audience and took deep breaths, trying to recollect herself and start fresh. "It's okay, Lynn," she whispered to herself, "It'll all be worth it once you win. You're not a loser, you're not a loser." She turned back around, realizing she needed a new witness to question. After scanning the crowd, her eyes froze on a certain beauty queen wearing all pink. "I would like to call, Lola Loud to the stand," Lynn stated.

A soft hush fell upon the crowd. All heads turned to the strongly dressed blonde leaning against the wall. On her face was a pair of excessively large sunglasses, and three coats of scarlet lipstick. She wore a long pink gown, and high heels that meant business. The room tensed up as Lola walked to the stand. Her heels made a loud _'clip-clop'_ noise with each step, which was peculiar because she was walking on a carpet. When she made her way to the bin she sat down, placing her bedazzled purse by her feet.

Lynn cleared her throat, "So Lola, would you say that Lori has a history of telling lies?"

Lola took off her sunglasses, revealing layers of eyeshadow and mascara. She pursed her shiny red lips at Lynn, clearly unimpressed with her. "Let's ditch these irrelevant questions and get to the only question you _want_ to know the answer to, shall we?" She smirked, putting her large sunglasses back on. "The only thing you want to know about me is who I think is guilty. Correct?"

Lynn said nothing.

Lola gave a bored hum, "That's what I thought. To answer your question, I think Lori is guilty," Lola said matter-o-factly, picking at her nails with disinterest.

"So I assume you want Leni to take the home run?" Lynn inquired, referring to Leni being free and Lori being sentenced. To her surprise, Lola shook her head.

"Nope, I think Leni is guilty too," Lola took a moment to toss a quick glance at Lynn and raised an eyebrow at her.

Lynn tilted her head, "So, you want both of them to loose?"

Lola took off her sunglasses, just so Lynn could see her roll her eyes, "Um, are you having a stroke right now, or are you naturally this much of an imbecile?" The diva's voice rose with every word.

Lynn cleared her throat, "Um-"

"Don't cut me off, you crusty sweet potato!" Lola was going through a tedious phase where she would insult people by calling them the names of vegetables, "Not only do I want them to lose. I want them to rot! I want them to boil in their rooms for the rest of their pathetic lives, and have their dresses burnt to a crisp!"

"But-"

"PIPE DOWN, YOU DEFORMED SQUASH!" Lola barked at Lynn, "I want the ashes of their dresses to be dipped in hot sauce and sprinkled into their bare eyes by _me_. That'll teach them a thing or two!"

Lynn put a finger to her chin and nodded her head, "May I ask why you desire such pain and suffering for these two young ladies," The brunette gestured to Lori and Leni Loud. Lori was on her phone, live tweeting the entire case, while Leni shrunk in her seat, whimpering like Charles whenever Lisa used him for an experiment.

Lola scoffed, "Because, three months, eight days, and twenty minutes ago, that phone obsessed _thing_ told me to shove my tiara up my, er, private area, and then that air-headed object LAUGHED!"

"So?"

"So, I'm never doing anything for those two EVER AGAIN!" Lola angrily wagged her pink-gloved fist at the two eldest siblings, "Those things dug up their graves, now they have to sleep in them as I vandalize their tombstones, steal their flowers, and dance on the dirt above! They've crossed me for the last time! I WILL NOT BE HUMILIATED!"

"Slow down!" Lisa lisped, scribbling in her clipboard furiously, "I am incapable of keeping up!"

Leni brought her hands her mouth and sunk into the beanbag in fear as she imagined Lola doing the unthinkable, BURNING HER DRESS! The ditzy blonde turned her head towards Lori, expecting her to be overwhelmed with fear. Instead, her roommate was holding up her phone to Lola, recording her entire rant. After hitting the end button, Lori posted the video on Twitter with the caption, ' _Witnesses are already throwing fits!_ ***shocked emoji, blush emoji, crying laughing emoji*** _Litrlly, I luv how things r going so far!'_

Satisfied with her tweet, Lori smirked and looked up, finding Leni not-so-subtlety leaning over her shoulder. Lori put her phone screen down on her lap and pursed her lips with annoyance. Lola's screeching harpy voice still echoed off the walls, but as she locked eyes with Leni she could no longer hear a word of it. Leni opened her mouth, about to ask her roommate to see her other posts about the case, but faltered. Lori's expression, while not as blood thirsty as it was at the beginning of the fight, was still hardened.

 _'Maybe now's not a good time_.' Leni's think box whispered to her. The second eldest grabbed a lock of her shiny blonde hair and twirled it between her thin polished fingers, a nervous tick she picked up from her mother.

Lori, however, disagreed as she gave Leni a small grin, "I love them, but they can be a little extra," Lori said, tuning out the voices of Lola and now Lynn's screams at each other. "But so can we. I mean, we did help come up with this idea."

"Yeah. I also don't think Lynn is a good molar," Leni gestured towards Lola and Lynn, who were now calling each other names of vegetables with nasty adjectives in front of them.

"I think you mean lawyer, not molar. But I agree. Luan isn't good either. In fact, everyone in here's nothing but a batch of burnt carrots." Lori cracked a smile. She didn't blame Lola, insulting people using vegetable names really was fun.

"More like soggy green beans," Leni chuckled.

"Except for us," Lori added, flipping her thick wavy hair over her shoulder, "We're freshly picked strawberries if you ask me."

Leni frowned, "Um, can we be freshly picked blueberries instead?"

Lori sighed, "Sure, I don't see why not."

"Wait! I actually want to be a watermelon!" Leni urged.

Lori rolled her chocolate brown eyes, "Forget it!" Leni surveyed her surroundings, the argument had increased from two people to four, each shouting vegetable-based insults at each other as Lincoln repeatedly yelled "ORDER IN THE COURT! ORDER IN THE COURT!" Lori chuckled, gesturing to the display of disaster, "What is this mess?" Leni began to laugh too. Taking a deep breath, Lori grabbed her sister's arm. "You know, vegetable and fruit metaphors aside, you really did look good in that dress."

Leni blushed at her comment, "Tell me something I don't know, Lori." Lori playfully scoffed, melting into a large smile. Leni smiled back, "I know this is funny and all, but Lola is starting to scare me," Leni admitted.

Lori scoffed and leaned towards her roommate, "That pageant brat can take that tiara and stuff it up her cooch."

Leni laughed.

After Lincoln finally managed to get the stampede to calm down, Lynn returned to her seat with a huff. Luna had to drag Lola away by the legs, who clawed the ground and protested. When Luna finally returned Lola to the bed, she and Lynn gave each other deadly glares.

"Well, since Lola is nothing but a musty, dusty garbanzo bean, we should call another witness," Lynn grumbled. Luan nodded her head, and stood up.

"I have a surprise witness," she announced. Lynn widened her eyes, how could she have gotten one on such short notice? "I call..." the comedian paused for dramatic effect, "MOM TO THE STAND!"

Rita Loud walked into the room, earning a gasp from the Louds excluding Luan." Let's get this over with," Rita sighed. She walked to the upside down trash bin, sat down, and took the oath with Lily's album. She gave an impressed whistle, examining the setup. "You kids have really outdone yourselves."

"Thanks, mom. We have an organized system." Lincoln did a glamorous hair flip with his curly wig, a smug look on his face.

Rita continued to scan the room, her eyes pausing on Lynn Jr. "Lynn, honey, why are you wearing your father's clothes?"

"They make me look more lawyerly," Lynn flipped one end of her father's tie over her shoulder, "Also, my football shoulder pads are really doing this suit favors," she gestured to her shoulders, which looked almost inflated.

"Mom, who do you think is more responsible? Lori, or Leni?" Luan questioned.

Rita gave a nervous chuckle, "Honey, I can't answer that. You know I don't like comparing my children."

"Ma, I love you, but answer the gosh darn question. I'm a busy lawyer with lots of other clients, I don't have all day," Luan snapped.

Rita widened her eyes, " _Excuse me_? One, don't talk to me like that. Two, you aren't even a real lawyer. And three, you have three minutes to question me before I go back to cooking!"

Luan sighed, "Fine, I'm sorry. Anyways, would you say Lori is responsible?"

Rita nodded, "Of course I do. I'm very proud of my little girl. She's grown into a strong woman and I love her dearly." Rita smiled to herself, remembering the journey Lori took to become the young woman she is today.

"Interesting. Do you recall Lori telling you about her plans to buy the dress?"

Rita nodded, "Yes, months in advance. She was really looking forward to it. It was a beautiful blue dress with a sash, and she told me she wanted to be buried in it."

"Oh, so you remember Lori telling you about a dress, and yet you can't remember my birthday?" Luna complained.

As Rita opened her mouth to defend herself, Luan intercepted. "This isn't about you, Luna! Geez, go strum your guitar or something!"

"Way harsh, dude!" Luna raised her eyebrows at her roommate.

Luan sighed, "Sorry, I'm on edge. Being a lawyer is stressful, you wouldn't understand." She turned back to her mother, "Now, do you remember Leni telling you about her plans to buy the same dress?"

Rita raised an eyebrow, "Leni has money?"

Luan picked rested her briefcase on the floor, "I rest my...oh wait, I already used that pun," She picked up her briefcase, "Mom, you're free to go."

"Wait!" Lynn raised her hand, "Can I question you, Mom?"

"NOPE! Absolutely not! Goodbye!" Rita sighed, "Good grief," she speed-walked out of the room before anyone could chase her down.

Luan sat and Lynn stood. The sporty sister scanned the room, picking a witness at random. She finally found Lucy and called her to the stand, because why not? Plus, Lynn knew Lucy was awkward in front of people, which would give her a good laugh.

After Lucy took the oath, Lynn spoke up, "Before I start my questions, I just want to tell you that you are Leni's favorite sister, and that Lori hates you and once tried to sacrifice you to Satan. Keep that in mind while you're answering these questions."

Lucy scoffed, " _Sigh_. I know that is a lie. And if wasn't a lie, Lori would have been doing me a favor."

"Come on Lynn, you're not telling the truth! Hey, how does Lynn sleep at night? She _lies_ on one side, then _lies_ on the other!" Luan spat, too exasperated to even giggle at her own joke.

Lynn scoffed, "Oh yeah? What do dinosaurs and Luan's funny jokes have in common? THEY'RE BOTH EXTINCT!" The 'court room' erupted into laughter at Lynn's clap-back. Luan's face flushed, envious that a joke from a hard-headed sportaholic got more laughs than her's.

"Are you sure about that? Cause I'm looking at a dinosaur right now! A dinosaur with SHOULDER PADS!" Luan hissed, standing up from her stool to prove she meant business. The two snarled at each other like vicious dogs.

"I'm loving every moment of this," Lucy said, cracking the smallest smile she could summon.

Lincoln banged his gavel repeatedly, Lisa frantically scribbled on her sixth page of paper, and everyone else watched the disaster unfold in awe. Their first court case was clearly not going the way they intended it to. However, in a way they were glad. Sure, Lynn and Luan were at each other's throats, and neither of them were collecting enough evidence to prove Leni or Lori innocent. But despite all mishaps, they almost couldn't wait for the next fight to break out so they could do it again.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Lincoln screamed, banging his gavel repeatedly, "Since no one knows how to cooperate, let's stop the questioning and just start the voting right now."

"OH THANK MICK SWAGGER!" Luna clutched her heart with relief and emerged from behind the window curtain, "I was so worried I actually had to participate in this. Thank you, Lincoln! Thank you thank you thank you!" The rock lover scooped up Lana from Lori's bed and spun her around, "WE DID IT, LANA! WE GOT AWAY WITH DOING NOTHING!" The two girls whooped and high five each other.

Lucy raised her hand, "Can we put Luna on the stand just so we can kill her joy?" she suggested.

"I agree with Lucy for once!" Lynn said. Luna gave both Lucy and Lynn a glare.

"Nope, we are ending this trial once and for all," Lincoln banged his gavel once more, "Luan, Lynn, Lori, and Leni, please stand. Everyone else, sit. We are about to cast our votes."

"I'm just gonna vote for whoever gets the most votes, cause I wasn't listening at all." Luna admitted to Lana.

Luan and Lynn stood up, while everyone else sat. As Lincoln was about to commence the voting process, he noticed that only Luan and Lynn were standing. Groaning with exasperation, he said "Lori and Leni, I need you two to stand up." Silence.

Lynn and Luan turned around, both gasping as they saw two empty bean bags behind them. "THEY'RE GONE!" They both exclaimed simultaneously. Everyone ran to the bean bags to see for themselves. It was true, the two eldest Loud sisters were no longer present.

"No wonder they were being so quiet," Lana realized.

"When could they have left? We would've seen them, right?" Luna asked in awe.

Lynn growled. "We did this whole thing just for those dirtbags, and they left early? The nerve of them. Leni didn't deserve my amazing lawyer skills!"

"I noticed they left a while ago. I just didn't say anything because I wanted to see how long you would've continued the trial without realizing," Lucy said in monotone, a small smile appearing on her pale face.

Everyone glared at Lucy, until they realized they had more important matters at hand than Lucy being unhelpful.

"I can't believe they wasted everyone's time!" Lola screeched, "We gotta find out where they are so I can pull out their-"

"GUYS LOOK!" Luna pointed at the chair, "Their dresses are gone!" It was true. At the beginning of the trial, two bags with each of their dresses sat on that chair. Now, the chair was empty, arising more and more questions.

"This just keeps getting better and better," Lucy whispered, appreciating the mystery of it all.

"Maybe they got kidnapped!" Lana announced her suspicion, earning eyeballs from everyone.

A lightbulb formed above Luan's head, "Go on Lori's twitter page, she told me she was live tweeting the entire event! It may have the answers!"

"Be right back!" Luna ran into her room to get her laptop, keeping her eye out in case she ran into either of them in the hall. She stage dived onto the ground and pulled a violet laptop up from under the bottom bunk. The moment she stepped into Lori and Leni's rooms, she dived onto Leni's bed and looked up Lori's twitter page.

"Wait, didn't Lori block you on Twitter?" Lincoln asked the rock fan.

"Of course she did. But I made a fake account of that guy 'Hugh,' the British hunky guy that tutored Lincoln," Luna cracked a smile, "I've been catfishing her for a few months now." She typed up Lori's name, and clicked on her profile. "She posted two minutes ago!"

The Loud family gasped and leaned into the computer screen, pushing and shoving each other as each tried to read the caption. The caption read, _'At Whitney's birthday bash! ***cake emoji*** Brought the little sis, and we're slaying our matching ***dress emoji*** I luv her so much' _Underneath was a picture of Lori and Leni at a dark crowded party room, a colorful disco ball illuminating their faces. Lori and Leni were taking a selfie with Bobby in front of the punch bowl, both wearing the same dress they quarreled over hours ago.

Minus Lucy, each of the remaining Louds were stunned that Lori and Leni had successfully escaped. The siblings tore through their brains, trying to figure how and when they could have possibly left. However, all of their suspicions had flaws, and even Lisa didn't have a clue as to how the two eldest could've exited unseen. They even had time to put on dresses and drive all the way to a party, meaning they must have been gone a long time.

The Louds stared in awe at the picture, each trying their best to soak in the events that had unfolded. Lynn was the first to get over her shock, "Holy Lily, how long have they been gone?" The athlete marveled at how oblivious she and the rest of the Louds were, except Lucy.

However, Lola chose to bring up a different detail. "I can't believe they ditched us!" The pageant queen gritted her teeth and clenched her fists.

"Yeah, that was not cool." Luna gave Lola a nod of agreement.

"Aw, but don't you guys get it? They made up! It's sweet!" Lincoln countered, looking on the bright side of things, "Plus even if it was in vain, our homemade court case was _pretty_ awesome!"

"Lincoln's right! In the end, being a lawyer was really exciting," Luan admitted, "I am _guilty_ of having fun!" She chuckled.

"I guess it all worked out in the end," Lana concluded.

"Let's see if she posted anything else," Lynn offered, poking Luna in the shoulder to urge her.

Luna refreshed Lori's page. There was a new tweet posted three seconds ago. It read, _'My fam prolly JUST realized we left forever ago and are stalking my Twitter in awe of their own stupidity ***laughing emoji laughing emoji laughing emoji*** '_

"HEY!" The Louds yelled defensively at the tweet, as if Lori had said it to their faces. The Louds tore through their brains once more, but none of could come up with a logical explanation as to how Leni and Lori could have disappeared like ghosts.

"She's a Dark Magic Woman, dudes." Luna concluded.

"I knew I wasn't the only psychic in the family," Lucy muttered, thinking about the eerie way Lori had predicted their exact actions at the exact moment. She made a mental note to check her room for her fortune cards in case Lori had stolen them.

"I guess Lori is smarter than we thought she was," Lynn concluded, impressed with how Lori could stay one step ahead of them all.

Lisa shook her head in awe of her own ignorance, "This goes against everything I stand for, but even I have to admit that _dang, she's good!_ "

" _'Good'_ is an understatement. Lori's a mastermind!" Luan said, "I'm...I'm so proud!"

Lincoln sighed, "Well since the prosecutors left, we might as well create a new vote," the only boy's lips stretched into a sly smile, "Raise your hand if you're voting for coming up with a way to get back at Lori and Leni."

It was unanimous.

* * *

 **Author's Note: By the way, I know nothing about the judicial system.**

 **Spanish translations:**

 **"Hola, bebé. Mis hermanas y hermano son-" = _Hello, baby. My sisters and brother are-_**

 **"¿Qué está pasando?" = _What's going on?_**

 **"Lo siento, bebé. En inglés, por favor. Mis hermanas y hermano son muy estúpidos y no hablan español" = _Sorry, baby. In English, please. My sisters and brother are very stupid and they don't speak Spanish._**

 **I said it in the beginning, but if I don't say it again I feel like people will still be pointing stuff out in the comments. I changed some of the background details from the episode on purpose.**

 **Hope you enjoyed :)**


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